Still fit
Don't be deceived by the title. I meant that my snuggest Lulu's still fit and that's a relief. I was worried that not tracking my macros over Christmas was going to result in an instant 20 lbs weight gain. I recognize that I do have some features of a dysfunctional relationship with food. I swing back and forth between feeling like I am just an average person, eating probably less junk than most, to thinking I have no control and I crave and eat way too many tasty forbidden foods and that's why I will always be fat.
At this point, I will say that in my mind I am fat, but to other people I seem to be average and even considered small. And some days I think I am "OK" and that wearing a size 8 in Lululemon pants is pretty small. Other days, all I see is the jiggly bat wing arms, double ( and saggy} chin and ripply stomach ( and not the good kind of ripples.) It my logical adult mind, I know that looks are secondary to being healthy and having a loving family and good friends. But, like a lot of women, I feel like I would just be happier if I was less fat. I don't yoyo diet though and after starting to track my macros, I am able to stick to a fairly reasonable lifestyle. Meaning that I usually eat well, with the occasional treat or drink. I do get off track a bit, but my weight seems to stay generally the same 10-15 lb range, but my perception is way off from day to day. I genuinely feel fat some days and it makes me feel bad about myself. Then the next day, some acquaintance from the gym will comment that I am looking good, '...have I lost weight?' ....a wtf moment. This is the struggle for me. No doubt a struggle for many.
So now that the new Year is upon us, I will be cutting back on sugar and booze. Both are not necessary and detrimental to my goals of competing well in March. Surprisingly, sugar has been pretty easy to avoid, outside of holidays and birthdays. Booze on the other hand is different. I switched a couple of years ago from drinking wine to having a vodka and soda as a de-stressing after work drink. Yet I don't feel much different after the drink and I wonder why I bother? It's become a habit and I need to find something else for my post work " drink". I do think a big part of it is the feeling that I am having a "treat" or reward for getting through the day and I feel deprived if I give up yet another thing. So far I have given up ( barring holidays) Sugar, caffeine (I drink half decaf now), smoking ( 30 years ago), white bread, white flour, take out food/junk, chips, juice, the list goes on. maybe I don't need to give up so much? I just need to give up the things that don't sit well with me.
Ah yes, my IBS.
A post for another day.
Happy New Year, may 2020 be a great year!
At this point, I will say that in my mind I am fat, but to other people I seem to be average and even considered small. And some days I think I am "OK" and that wearing a size 8 in Lululemon pants is pretty small. Other days, all I see is the jiggly bat wing arms, double ( and saggy} chin and ripply stomach ( and not the good kind of ripples.) It my logical adult mind, I know that looks are secondary to being healthy and having a loving family and good friends. But, like a lot of women, I feel like I would just be happier if I was less fat. I don't yoyo diet though and after starting to track my macros, I am able to stick to a fairly reasonable lifestyle. Meaning that I usually eat well, with the occasional treat or drink. I do get off track a bit, but my weight seems to stay generally the same 10-15 lb range, but my perception is way off from day to day. I genuinely feel fat some days and it makes me feel bad about myself. Then the next day, some acquaintance from the gym will comment that I am looking good, '...have I lost weight?' ....a wtf moment. This is the struggle for me. No doubt a struggle for many.
So now that the new Year is upon us, I will be cutting back on sugar and booze. Both are not necessary and detrimental to my goals of competing well in March. Surprisingly, sugar has been pretty easy to avoid, outside of holidays and birthdays. Booze on the other hand is different. I switched a couple of years ago from drinking wine to having a vodka and soda as a de-stressing after work drink. Yet I don't feel much different after the drink and I wonder why I bother? It's become a habit and I need to find something else for my post work " drink". I do think a big part of it is the feeling that I am having a "treat" or reward for getting through the day and I feel deprived if I give up yet another thing. So far I have given up ( barring holidays) Sugar, caffeine (I drink half decaf now), smoking ( 30 years ago), white bread, white flour, take out food/junk, chips, juice, the list goes on. maybe I don't need to give up so much? I just need to give up the things that don't sit well with me.
Ah yes, my IBS.
A post for another day.
Happy New Year, may 2020 be a great year!
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